(A Vintage Petrol Lighter Story Volume 2: Making Sense Of Old Habitsis a work of fiction presented by DependableFlame.com)
A Shaking, Idle Hand
The hand moves toward an illegitimate task even when the mind remains steadfast, resolute in the formation of new habits but knowing for certain
that old ones are forever broken. We like to remain in the dark when we can, heads buried and Elston was no different but these were not those kind of times. He was hyper-aware of the vestigial remnants of his bygone alcohol dependancy. And yes, he kept feeling the need to reach for a glass that wasn’t there.
Oh, there was often a glass or cup setting there but it’s contents weren’t quite so dangerous, at least not in the short term. Elston was confused by what seemed like involuntary actions to the contrary, though his mind was made up and old habits die hard even when we’re convinced they’re no good for us.
He picked it up and drew it to his lips, careful to avoid the resultant sweat that dripped down the side and off the bottom of the glass caused by the presence of ice in the soda that burned so sweet as it trickled down his throat. Addiction begets addiction sometimes, hopefully less hazardous than the last.
Elston had dreams as a young man. Noble pursuits them all, to instruct and to teach, to guide and to mold younger minds along the same paths he’d
traveled through his adolescence and dawning of adulthood, where most of his aspirations had begun to perish before they’d really even taken root as a notion.
Confusion was simply a byproduct of this season of his life, so he waded through the hazy darkness knowing light would surely come yet fumbling as a blind man through this skeleton of a maze his life had become. Familiar outposts taken on new meanings, old roads he could no longer travel, ancient strivings not fit to be altered only abandoned along the way.
Better Days
Elston sipped his decaf and blinked through the residue of sleep he’d left in the bed. He had never been a morning person but here he was this morning
feeling fresh, alive and invigorated. Such a shame to realize so late the damage we’ve been doing to ourselves for so long.
The morning was so bright and full of promise as opposed to all those mornings that had come before, influenced by his night-owl nature but bought and sold into bondage on account of his longing to belong, or to fit in. To not be so awkward when interacting with others but to be a part of the crowd. Alas, it was all lies told to and propagated by himself, the only one who could be or was even remotely responsible.
There were plenty of others of course, that carried some semblance of blame though they’re not the purview of this story. They simply are roadblocks or hurdles which should have been scenery along the journey yet were elevated by way of Elston’s own ignorance.
Inexperience and incomprehension that once buffeted him like a genie’s magic carpet, dangerously enthralling yet seemingly safe on all sides as the
mirth of the poison took hold and spread roots and changed him in many unspeakable ways.
It’s like a lie that he’d listened to once yrs ago had subjugated reality and became the truth unto itself, yet only in Elston’s mind. It had happened to millions of other folks as well so perhaps he should find some solace in their shared experience but he didn’t have the wherewithal to shoulder their blame nor would his effort(even if he could manage it) gain for them a single iota of understanding or tittle of the pain the alcoholism had caused.
Recognition
It would be yrs before Elston was well again. Oh, he had escaped the perils the poison presented and avoided the withdrawals that certainly could have
killed him on the spot but there was still damage done. The damage he’d done to his family caused by the selfishness of his addiction. The damage that had occurred in his brain by yrs of chemical dependence. The damage he’d done to his own psyche after lying to himself for so long. It was all a heavy burden to climb out from under.
The lack of morning hangovers, however, was an undeniable truth and an epiphany as well. That shame which previously he could not get around was now laid bare and evidence of the destruction of any happy way of living. It’s like choosing to get your ass kicked every morning before you’ve even gotten up. A conscious decision to hurt oneself rather than to live freely and enjoy the abundance of grace that God has provided to all mankind and especially to His children.
Elston took in a big breath of air and exhaled calmly as the haunting guitar sounds of James McMurtry’s hillbilly meanderings played pleasantly from the WiFi speaker setting in the corner. He scooted the ground up weed nonchalantly across the tray with an old expired medical card and began stuffing the prerolled Smizzle brand cone with his long beveled poker.
“I owe you an apology man…” Elston said to Shawn with his voice trailing off somewhere in the distance. “…I remember being really miffed at you a couple times and there was no reason for it. I remember you trying to convince me that pot was a much better road to travel and I wouldn’t hear it though I listened to every word you said. I just couldn’t see around it…”
“Oh, I know and I did try and it was frustrating,” Shawn admitted, “But there was only so much I could say and nothing I could really do. It was hard to see you struggle with something that I had come to the conclusion yrs earlier that I wasn’t built for…”
“Ya, I understand what you are saying but none of us are built for alcoholism and if we think we are, we’re sorely mistaken, it’s a dead end path.”
“We had these conversations though and you were unwavering. Not only did you not follow my advice, it seemed like you didn’t think the advice was relevant to you,” Shawn said matter-of-factly.
“It never even dawned on me, brother,” Elston admitted, “I was so enamored with the whiskey I couldn’t see anything else!”
Elston pinched off the end of one of the freshly stuffed cones and twirled the end of it around in the flame of his All-Around Leaf design Zippo Windproof lighter as he inhaled and coaxed it to ember, “think of the seed you planted all the way back then though my friend. You told me the truth. You may have altered the zeal or method of your message over time but still you told me the truth. You told me the truth when all I could see was a lie…”
(Please leave any comments, questions or suggestions in the comments section of this or any other page at DependableFlame.com. This is a work of fiction and any similarity of the characters or situations herein to those that have happened in real life should be seen as coincidental.)
Only someone who has been there and survived can understand the fear accompanying the question of whether or not one will ever be set free of the grip of the 80 proof monster. Or the question of how far reaching the damage actually has been to the ex-wives and the children.
Good stuff, Joseph. I’m free. I hope you are too.
Dave
Yes sir Dave, by God’s grace I have not had a drink since December of 2016. I am free and really feel ashamed that I ever felt like I needed it. It’s nothing but a liar. So damaging in so many ways. I don’t have any need or desire for it and am thankful that it’s a thing of the past! I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave such a nice comment. It’s always encouraging to hear from someone who has survived the same battles I have. Life without liquor is well worth living and not only that, it’s way better than living drunk.
I’ve been totally consumed by your article about Huntington’s Disease very well written, I recall the name but knew nothing about the actual Disease. But I do know now so thank you. Your site Has So Much great Information, I’m Very impressed!! With it all. I’m going to sign up for more of your articles to come, You also Write very well !!! Keep all those articles and lighter videos coming.
Thank you Rode, I am glad you have been enjoying the articles and especially to be able to make you more aware of Huntington’s disease, which is a very important personal cause for me because it took my father. I wrote the article talking about my Dad a while back and also donate a portion of every lighter we sell at DependableFlame.com to the charity, Huntington’s Disease Society Of America. I am glad you plan to frequent the site and look forward to discussing other articles with you in the future.
This was an interesting post, and I really like the stories and I kind of understand it a bit. These stories really gives me images on how it could have been, when it comes to the deeper parts of this article you really get a grip on what it is about. I really like this post, keep up the good work!
Thank you Jonathan, I really appreciate you stopping by and reading the article and especially for leaving such a nice comment! The subject matter the story is about may be a little off the beaten path and perhaps not the kind of thing that many people like to talk about but it is a very important issue that is a struggle for a portion of the population every single day. I enjoy writing fiction, though this is somewhat autobiographical, I plan to continue with more of this type of content.
Joseph –
Great take on topic which is always relevant: alcoholism. I spent my teen years and early 20s in a college town. If you weren’t drinking at a party, then you were not cool. Peer pressure and aura to be in the group is intense at times.
But I was able to regulate my intake of alcohol unlike some people. One of my friends got carried away with drinking. He did not miss an opportunity to attend a party, go to the bar, or be with others. And typically, he was drinking 4 or 5 days a week.
Each day, he would drink at least 6 drinks a day, sometimes more than that, depending on feeling of euphoria. I was really concerned about his health and well-being. I urged him to reduce the intake for his own good, plus, he might stand to lose weight.
He did not heed my warning and the drinking continued for several years. One day, he had an epiphany for whatever reason. He contacted a trainer, started going to the gym more, and reduced his intake of alcohol.
He has a girlfriend now, and they moved into a house recently. He has taken control of his life; alcohol is no longer number one.
Thank you Godwin for taking the time to read the story and leave such a nice comment, I really appreciate it! Man, you really hit the nail on the head when it comes to the issue of alcoholism. Some people are able to handle drinking without going overboard and others are prone to drink too much from the very first sip they take. It is a difficult subject because it is so pervasive and alcohol is advertised and sold everywhere in our society today. Thank you for you diligent attention to the important topic of this story.
What a great story it tells about the lead character – Elston. Off course, alcoholism shrinks the brain with so many years of chemical dependency.
Elston seems to be fortunate in having friends like Shawn who persevered with the well-being of his freind. Though Elston paid much less heed to him.
A great story ending with Elston using the Zippo Lighter.
Loved your writing. Let it keep coming.
Regards,
Rohit
Thank you Rohit, I really appreciate you frequenting the site and especailly for your attention in reading this story and leaving such a nice comment. I am really having a good time writing in such a creative form in the poem that I wrote last week followed by these two short fiction efforts. The subject matter is not the funnest thing to talk about but that doesn’t make it any less important. I am glad that you enjoyed the story and hope that It will be helpful to others in their journey through alcoholism as well!
Great story involving alcoholism and vintage petrol lighters! I love how you provide a detailed explanation of the type and design of these lighters that you portray being used in you story, and how you connect that to your personal experiences with them. The photos and videos are also a great addition, as they really help to bring your stories to life. Your writing is engaging and informative, and I found myself getting lost in your stories. Keep up the great work!
Thank you Murry, I really appreciate you stopping by again, reading the story and especially for taking the time to leave a comment. I have really enjoyed the creative process of writing these last works of fiction with real life lighters and issues which are personal and important to me worked into the story. These issues may not always be pleasant to think or talk about but a story like this can help convey the proper emotions while handling the actual issue in a respectful way for those who have been through it.
When I started to read I immediately got pulled in. I am easily distracted and sometimes finishing an article is a little hard for me. Your story painted a very vivid picture for me and was not what I was expecting. As a fellow alcoholic who has been through all the stages of alcoholism and sobriety and relapse then sobriety again, I really felt this piece. Thanks for your short story.
Thank you Victoria, I am glad the story meant something to you. The cathartic nature of writing these short stories with a personal twist has made the creative process very enjoyable for me to talk about some of these issues in a more substantial way. Alcohol is such a liar and I feel your narrative of sobriety, relapse, and doing it all over again all to well. I am thankful that liquor no longer holds any sway over me and hope and pray you are the same and that we’ll have the strength, by God’s grace, to keep it that way.