(A Vintage Petrol Lighter Story Volume 11: Wrecking Life To Save it is a work of fiction presented by DependableFlame.com)
Crashing
Elston James was far from anything he’d have ever considered comfortable, in fact he was agitated. It was after midnight and the hard, slick floor was extremely cold on his bare feet as he sat watching the movie that was
playing on the big television set in the common area where all of the patients spent most of their time.
He was never going to hear the end of this one. He couldn’t remember all of the details but could recall enough to know that his had been an epic crash landing. Like he’d been piloting a bottomless bottle of bourbon through life for the last couple decades and when it finally ran out of fuel it simply exploded, leaving him to grasp hold of any or every thing that seemed familiar on his way back down to earth.
The other patients were getting phone calls and he wondered if his name would be called. He wanted to speak to Anna but he knew there was going to be hell to pay and wondered if it might not be better if she didn’t call. He wouldn’t get any outside help though if she didn’t and Elston desperately hoped she would bring him a pair of sandals or maybe a pair of warm padded house shoes.
The thought made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside but he knew he didn’t deserve this kindness and somewhere deep down inside he knew that she wasn’t going to do him any kindness at all anyway. She didn’t pour the liquor down his throat, he’d done that all on his own and now he would get to deal with most of this in like manner.
Glimmers
It was the next afternoon before they called his name and Elston made his way over to the bank of three phones that lined the back corner of the room.
Half of these folks had on robes or nightgowns but all of them had on shoes of some kind.
“Hello, this is Elston,” he said not knowing what or really who to expect on the other end of the line. His feet were somewhat numb with coldness by now and he wasn’t sure that this was a safe situation to be going barefoot.
“What’s shakin’?” Shawn’s voice sounded more reluctant than any of the monologue that had been running through Elston’s own head. Elston thought of the last time they’d seen each other and reminisced wistfully.
They had set in the front seat of Elston’s Jeep Renegade in Shawn’s driveway reminding each other of old times. Elston had taken a very long drive to get there and when he arrived he found Shawn pacing around the driveway sucking on his vape pen while a pre-rolled joint just peaked up over the top of the chest pocket of his pullover.
Upon hopping in the cab of the vehicle, Shawn quickly placed the joint between his lips, flipped open the CHAMP Austria petrol lighter that Elston handed him and spun the file wheel to ignition, sucking hard as he lit the joint off the flame. He was blowing on the end of the marijuana cigarette as he cut his eyes over to Elston and things got real.
“How’s the booze treating you?” there was obvious concern on Shawn’s face and Elston could also read it in his voice then just the same as he could now with the telephone receiver held to his ear as he surveyed the room full of robe clad patients who were utterly unconcerned with his well-being.
Hope
The road back or out or wherever Elston was going was not going to be easy. The odds were stacked against him as well as his own track record not being any consolation. He had to quit now, there was no other choice. There
actually hadn’t been another logical choice since back in May when he quit for the first time.
That thought alone boggled Elston’s mind. That he’d spent the better part of twenty years partaking of the booze without so much as attempting to stop once until that doctor finally got his attention. His regard for sobriety had been short-lived though, so now he was going to quit for a second time and somehow he had hope that it would work.
It was really more than hope actually as Elston was now working on his first full day of sobriety in over four months and he recognized it for what it was, his true break from the poison he’d been consuming. It had been perhaps the biggest mistake of his life to begin again in August but he couldn’t be bogged down by his own failures at the moment because it was taking everything he could muster to see the light at the end of the tunnel before him and he intended to keep his focus until he reached it.
Shawn had been the first to confirm back at Elston’s first attempt to quit what he had begun to deduce for himself in the weeks following that abstention, his brain wasn’t right. His reasoning could easily fail him if he didn’t keep his focus on the thing he knew for certain he could never do again.
Elston could hear the lyrics of an Avett Brothers song in his head that he knew well though had scarcely considered the consequences of their meaning. “Tell the truth to yourself,” the song sang with melodic assurance, “and the rest will fall in place…”
He knew that it was time to be honest. Honest with some of the people closest to him and himself because in order to be honest with God, which was the most important thing of all, he couldn’t be lying to himself at the same time.
(Please leave any comments, questions or suggestions in the comments section of this or any other page at DependableFlame.com. This is a work of fiction and any similarity of the characters or situations herein to those that have happened in real life should be seen as coincidental.)
I enjoy reading about Elston and all of his trials and tribulations. He really sounds like he has hit rock bottom now and feeling very sorry for himself. It is sad when nobody calls or cares and even though one usually brings it upon oneself. I hope that Elston can eventually free himself by being honest with himself and getting out of this dark hole he has dug.
Thank you Michel, I really appreciate you reading the story and taking the time to share your insights about it here. Elston has made life rather difficult for himself in the past by his dependence on alcohol but I think at this point in the story, he has earnestly begun to figure some things out. Now, that doesn’t mean that all of his knuckleheaded behavior is a thing of the past but one would surely hope so. It’s hard to take steps forward when you’re not even being honest with your self about where you are.
Wow! This is so powerful. What a vivid, clear picture painted. I think that it is so helpful for anyone recovering from any addiction to know that it’s okay to fall off the wagon more than once and that what is important is picking up and trying again. Being resilient is so important and mistakes are okay especially when we are able to fall forward. Being honest with ourselves and God is what is truly important. I love that you ended it with this! I feel hope at the end of this and appreciate deeply the message.
Thank you Debby, I appreciate your very kind comment and hope you will continue to frequent the site to read about Elston James and his journey through life. I agree with you that it is important to give people second chances and also to know that no matter how many times we have screwed up and fallen short there is always forgiveness from God through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. It’s by His grace and the power of The Holy Spirit that we are truly able to live!
Getting addicted to liquor is easy, but getting off the addiction can be challenging. I feel Elston’s pain and guilt. His expectation of a call from Anna is that we want friends and family. When it happens, it is like a lonely world. Although you know you are responsible for your actions and their consequences, you want to be loved. I love your conclusion on this story – the essential step is being honest with yourself
Thank you Parameter, I really appreciate you stopping by to read the article and to leave such a nice comment. You are correct about liquor being easier to get addicted to than to get off of, that was certainly my own experience as well as the way that Elston has experienced alcohol as well.
You are also right to point out how helpful it is to have loved ones around you to help fight the addiction even though it is something that everyone who falls victim to it did to themselves.
I could read your stories all day. Was Elston in Jail during his phone call? I only assumed because it talked about his bare feet on the cold floor. Also, it seemed that he only had one phone call. I could definitely feel the nerves and challenges during that moment, firstly, because this was his second wake-up call for alcohol abuse. Secondly, it must be mighty hard to find someone to call that will answer and help you out. I know in some families, they ultimately give up on a member who is struggling to find their way in life. This is also a reason for homelessness in America.
Hey Will, thanks for stopping by and checking out another installment of Elston’s journey through life. Elston is definitely confined somewhere beyond his control but I wouldn’t jump too quickly to the conclusion that he is in jail. There are consequences at times for someone experiencing the difficult path of alcoholism which may in fact be a form of “jail” while at the same time that person is not being arrested but perhaps being detained for a form of help.